In the first class you learned how stress affects you emotionally and physically. You may have used the Stress Diary to take an inventory of your stress load.

If you uncovered more stress in your life than you anticipated, don't worry -- you're not alone. More than half of the people surveyed in 2004 by the American Psychological Association said they were concerned about the stress in their everyday lives. What's more, one in four workers said they had taken a mental health day off from work to cope with stress.

How you deal with the stress in your life depends partly on what causes it. Different types of stressors call for different coping techniques. Here's a look at some strategies for dealing with stress and when you might use them.

Some stressors can't be changed. They may be temporary -- like final exams or an upcoming presentation at work -- or they may be huge life changes. The death of a loved one, divorce, serious illness, moving, or losing a job -- even getting a new job that you wanted -- are all enormously stressful events. But in order to go on, we have to learn to accept these difficult changes and cope with them as best we can. For starters, try not to stress about things that are out of your control. This is sometimes more easily said than done, but determining whether the situation is something you control is often the first step toward clearing your head.

•When you've lost someone close to you, give yourself time to grieve. There's no way to avoid it -- grief is something you have to work through. Counseling and taking care of yourself may help. That includes eating a healthy diet and getting enough sleep.

•Talk to a trusted friend or counselor if you feel overwhelmed by a situation or problem.

•Join a support group of people undergoing similar experiences.

•Think about times when you've experienced a similar situation and remember how you dealt with it. Sometimes just remembering you were able to get through a difficult experience can give you confidence that you will get through this one, too. You may remember things you did to cope before that can help you now..

•If your grief continues to be overwhelming, talk to your doctor. You may need the temporary help of an antidepressant medication in addition to using these self-help techniques.

•Avoid blaming yourself. When you lose a job, for example, it's not unusual to wonder what you might have done to contribute to the situation. It's OK to consider behaviors or habits you might want to change, but don't beat yourself up. Learn what you can from the experience and move on.

•For temporary stressors like final exams or work presentations, do your best to organize yourself and then let it go. Remind yourself that a certain amount of stress is natural in such situations and will be gone before long.

•If you're suffering physical symptoms of stress, try not to fret over them too much. They, too, should go away after the stressful situation is past. For example, a study of college students found they suffered an increase in the severity of acne before exams regardless of how well they took care of themselves. But after the exams, their skin condition improved.

Stressors that can't be changed can sometimes be avoided. For instance, if sitting in heavy traffic or dealing with difficult coworkers ties you in knots, look for ways to avoid those situations.

Here are some tips:

•Leave early for work to avoid sitting in traffic, or take public transportation.

•Check with your boss to see whether telecommuting a day or two a week is an option for you.

•If you use public transportation, don't use your commute time for work activities. Read a book or listen to soothing music on headsets.

•If you're struggling to work through your differences with friends or coworkers, you may need to step back and reassess the situation. Allowing a little extra time may present the solution. You could also ask your supervisor to mediate. As a last resort, you may need to limit your interactions with people who drain your energy. Learn to say no without guilt when you're asked to do something you really don't want to do or don't have time to do.

•If you have to prepare for a big meeting or project, make sure you give yourself plenty of time to organize yourself. Disorganization can bring on stress.

•If you find yourself getting into a heated conversation, stop and suggest resuming the conversation at a later time. If you are in a group discussion that becomes overly stressful, excuse yourself and leave -- especially if you find yourself having the same stressful conversation with the same people over and over again.

Changing how you deal with a stressor can help take the punch out of it. Maybe you can't get any work done because you're constantly flooded with emails, instant messages, or phone calls that demand your attention. Or you simply have too much to do in too little time.

If multitasking is threatening to overwhelm you, changing your behavior so that you feel more in control can help:

•If constant interruptions are preventing you from getting work done, turn the ringer off on your phone and let calls go into voice mail. Shut your email down and turn off your instant messenger service if you use one. You can notify key people ahead of time that you're going to do this, so they'll know you'll be out of touch for a while.

•If you feel overwhelmed by the number of things you have to do, take a few minutes to list them all. Go through your list and prioritize your tasks. Try to tackle the most important tasks first. Divide complex tasks into manageable bites

•Consider taking a time management class if you continue to feel like your daily tasks are taking charge of your life.

What if you feel stressed about an upcoming meeting, dentist appointment, or a difficult discussion with a friend or family member?

•Think about an upcoming event that is stressing you. Visualize how you would like it to happen. Picture what you would like to say or do and how you will respond to others.

•Rehearse the event in your mind -- or even out loud -- before it happens.

•If you're stressed about an upcoming doctor or dentist visit, let your practitioner know how you feel beforehand. Often your doctor or dentist can reassure you by telling you exactly what to expect and will do whatever they can to make you feel more comfortable.

Back in the 1940s a popular song encouraged listeners to "accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative, and latch on to the affirmative." That may be a little trite. But more than 60 years later, it's still not a bad philosophy. While you may not be able to change certain stressors in your life, it may be possible to change how you think about them.

Here's one mother's answer to stress: When Karen, a mother of two, faced the stress of having to organize her two children's schedules, she knew she had to find a way to manage. Not only was she overwhelmed by the amount of time it took to take her daughter to dance class, wait for class to finish, and get back home, she also felt pressure to do something more productive with all the time she spent waiting. One day while waiting around for her daughter, she remembered how much she used to love to dance. Luckily, the studio had an adult dance class scheduled at the same time as her daughter's, and she signed up. Now she and her daughter both enjoy their classes and return home refreshed and relaxed.

Here are some other ways you can adapt to stressors:

•Step back and ask yourself if you really want to spend energy being stressed over this situation. Is it really worth it?

•Focus on the positive aspects of your life to put this stressor into better perspective.

•Ask yourself if this will still be important in a year's time -- if not, let it go.

•When you find yourself starting to feel stressed, take a deep breath, try to relax, and visualize yourself somewhere peaceful and calming.

•Try not to react without thinking. Count to ten and give some thought to what you want to say or do. Don't respond to a stressful email or criticism immediately -- give yourself time to calm down and be more objective.

•Try looking at the stressor in a different way. If you have to sit in traffic, look at it as an opportunity to put on your favorite tunes or the radio and crank it up without anybody else interrupting you.

Now it's time to put some of these tips into practice. Take a look at your Stress Diary from last week. Go through your list of stressors and try to classify each one as something you could accept, avoid, alter, or adapt to. Give some thought to how you could handle each one, using the above tips as guidelines.

Print out the Stress Plan. Think about stressors you are currently experiencing or expect to encounter in the coming week. Classify them as accept, avoid, alter, or adapt. Write down a brief plan for how you will deal with each of these stressors. After the stressful event or time is over, fill in the last column by noting how you actually handled it.

If your strategy for dealing with a stressor doesn't work, think about what else you might try. Not every tactic will be a home run. Sometimes you might have to try more than one way to deal with a stressor before you find the one that works for you.

Here's another technique to help you tame the stress in your life. It was developed by Dr. Herbert Benson, an associate professor of medicine at Harvard Medical School.

•Think of a word or short phrase that is meaningful to you. It can be a religious phrase or something as simple as the word "peace" or "one."

•Sit in a comfortable chair in a quiet room.

•Close your eyes.

•Starting at your feet, focus on relaxing your muscles, working all the way up your body, one muscle group at a time.

•Breathe naturally, and as you exhale, repeat your focus word or phrase quietly to yourself.

•Keep your mind clear. If you find thoughts creeping in to distract you, mentally push them away and return to relaxing your muscles, breathing, and repeating your focus word or phrase.

•Continue for 10 to 20 minutes.

•Sit quietly while you allow other thoughts to come back into your mind. Open your eyes and sit for another minute or two before standing.

Practicing this exercise once or twice a day can make a big difference in your stress level. Try to find time to practice this at least twice this week before you start your day.

Before you take the next class, do the following:

•Review your Stress Diary and think about last week's stressors in terms of things you could accept, avoid, alter, or adapt to. Think about how you might handle them going forward.

•Make a Stress Plan for the coming week.

•Practice the relaxation technique.

Future classes:

•Stress 101, Part 3: Learn How to Reduce Stress

•Stress 101, Part 4: Staying on Track

-- Nancy Montgomery is a senior editor at Consumer Health Interactive.

References

First published March 23, 2006
Last updated May 14, 2008
Copyright © 2006 Consumer Health Interactive

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