My 16-year-old daughter is beautiful; however, she has gained a lot of weight this past year. How can I talk to her about this without it damaging her self-esteem or messing her up emotionally?

I have encountered virtually the same situation and appreciate the extreme care required to begin this conversation.

Before talking with your daughter it might be helpful to try to place yourself in her shoes and think about any physical, social, or emotional changes or challenges she has been through this past year. Has she gotten her period? Is she dating? Was she rejected by peers? Is she feeling depressed about something? Have her grades slipped? This will help prepare you to talk with her.

You might begin a conversation along the lines of, "I've been thinking about you and wondering how you're feeling about life..." Her weight gain would come up as part of this conversation -- hopefully brought up by her. You can then be supportive of the issues she is facing/feeling/addressing and also be able to think with her about what is behind her weight gain and her eating habits.

If you are lucky enough to get this far, the two of you can problem-solve nutritional solutions together. A referral to a counselor might also help, especially if she indicates distress in her life.

I wish you well with this conversation(s). Thank you for your question. Please let us know what happens.

Dr. Joshua Rassen

-- Joshua Rassen, MD, is a board-certified internist and geriatrician in northern California. He has a private practice in geriatrics and internal medicine and is the Chief of the Division of General Internal Medicine at California Pacific Medical Center.

First published May 31, 2005
Last updated September 15, 2008
Copyright © 2004 Consumer Health Interactive